Jussie Smollett Excited About Participating in Jailhouse Meat-Beat Sessions If Sentenced

Chicago, IL — Disgraced actor Jussie Smollett was recently convicted on 5 counts of falsely reporting a hate crime back in January 2019. Jurors deliberated over the course of 2 days and reached a unanimous conclusion that “this nigga is full of shit”.

As it stands, Jussie Smollett faces up to 3 years in prison and a $25,000 fine. When asked about how Jussie feels about possibly serving some time behind bars, representatives for Jussie Smollett responded by saying, “Jussie aka ‘Juicy’ is excited. The possibility of him being locked up with a bunch of men all day isn’t that bad of a punishment. If our client Juicy has to serve time, he’ll have unlimited access to like-minded men with whom he can enjoy soothing meat-beat sessions with.”

If you recall, Jussie Smollett took the stand in his own defense (further proving how dumb he is) where he admitted that one of his alleged Nigerian attackers was a guy Jussie was actually intimately involved with where they would go to bathhouses and jerk each other off. So the possibility of him being sentenced and enjoying the company of other men who wouldn’t mind having late night circle-jerk sessions doesn’t seem like a bad punishment for Jussie Smollett.

Straight Facts B...sort of
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