Chicago Gangs Promise to Not Kill Anyone During the 4th of July Weekend

Chicago, IL — Gang members in Chicago have formally announced that they will not shoot or kill anybody on July 4th because they want everyone to enjoy the birthday of America.

Gang member Lil Doobie from the south side of Chicago stated, “I’m tired of Chicago being known for having a lot of shootings & murders every holiday weekend. I’m just tired of it. Granted, I shot 3 niggas last weekend, but still, I’m just tired of the city looking bad on holiday weekends. We can do better.”

Daquarious from the west side of Chicago stated, “I just want to see some fireworks yo! If I can’t enjoy fireworks in peace this weekend, Imma have to murk somebody.”

Straight Facts B...sort of
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